Holiday hosts, menu designers, sous chefs, party planners and décor girlies - y’all alright? We know that this week means GO time - whether you’re doing a traditional Thanksgiving gathering, a Friendsgiving kickback, or some other themed and lit food-forward situation. Whatever your preference, we want to kindly remind you of a few things to help keep you at ease, in tune with yourself and in the space of deliberate self care. And yes, we know there are a plethora of ways to celebrate - or not AT ALL, hello? - so these offerings are general and honest no matter how you intend to spend this week. We only want you to be well, prioritize joy, remove stressors, and allow yourself the space to create and express as an act of gratitude and love, not out of obligation or intention to impress.
So, for you our friends, homegirls and Betterness Baes - a few thoughts to keep in mind as the week and season moves ahead:
No force. Just flow. When the menu starts to feel overdone and the table scape feels like an algebra equation, consider how it might feel to be led and guided by what feels most right, not just adopting a templated formula. We know that there is an approach to elegance and excellence, and we’re all for a luxurious feel, but not at the expense of your peace. While you’re decorating, creating, cooking and setting the stage for your guests, think about ways you can be fully present in the moment of creating, not in getting to the ‘perfect’ outcome. Your effort and intention will prove to be the most valuable factor every time.
The rules can change. Even yours. Now, we might get some heat for this, but a recipe can change sis. We love what mama taught us and the traditions that are staples in the family - there's no debate about it. But if you’ve discovered something - a new cheese type for the mac, roasting over boiling your sweet potatoes, or even deciding to nix the whole bird and do wings only -- it is OK. There is no penalty for reinvention and the reason why things existed the way they did may not even apply to your life. Make it work for who you are now, sis. You’re allowed. You deserve.
Remember your joy. The girls who like to host and create space for their loved ones are often those who find delight in colors, textures and beauty of a vision coming to life. Tap into that space often as you’re getting ready. Less focus on how people will receive it, and more on the process that energizes you. Do we want our guests to feel the love and joy of a beautiful experience? OF COURSE! But when we overcompensate for the validation of others, we set ourselves up to create against expectations, not our own enjoyment. We don’t want that pressure, stress or any energy that causes us to live outside of ourselves. Have fun! Make it lively! Do it with a little twerk! Make it a memorable experience for you too.
You don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to. Your life choices, relationship status, womb plans, political views, and preferences can be off limits. It is not unkind to protect yourself and it is not your responsibility to agree. Your responsibility is to yourself, your wellness and your comfort. Period.
Rest is a part of the process too. There’s no award for who is most tired after the holidays. You don’t get bonus points for sleeplessness because you’ve decided to deep clean, shop, prep, design, cook, and post-clean all by yourself. You get to enjoy the holiday too! Whether you bring in help, opt for delivery, or hire someone to do parts of the work -- you get to make the holiday a restful time for yourself too. You don’t have to earn it sis; take what is rightfully yours.
Celebrations are a beautiful part of the way we form our lives -- the people and the memories and the ways we make them come together -- it’s JOY. We want you to relish that, and be kind to yourself in the process.
To a beautiful and delicious season with wonderful memories and a well-cared for YOU.